On airplanes, when the flight team gives their safety speech they instruct you to put on your own safety mask before you put on someone else’s. You need to have enough oxygen to take care of someone else without running out. When you have a baby, however, your oxygen mask suddenly doesn’t seem a fraction as important as the mask of this new tiny person.
As a therapist with a background in child trauma, I have often heard caregivers in hard times say, “As long as my child is okay, I’ll be okay.” This sentiment is brave and selfless, but one of the first steps to helping your child be okay – to putting on their oxygen mask – is making sure you’re okay too. Children learn to regulate their emotions through co-regulation and they find safety and explore their world through developing secure attachments to their earliest caregivers.
Self-care is an effective tool to make sure you are okay and it is integral to perinatal wellness and mental health. Pregnancy, birth, and postpartum are times of major transition. They can be beautiful and full of joy, but also challenging, exhausting, and overwhelmingly new. While you learn how to take care of your new baby, being mindful of taking care of yourself is both one of the easiest things to forget and simultaneously one of the most important things to remember to do. Self-care looks many different ways – it incorporates hobbies, relaxation, and quality time with loved ones but goes beyond that to include advocacy, and actions at individual, family, and community levels.
Below are some ideas to create a self-care plan for your three trimesters of pregnancy, and fourth trimester with your new little one.
Self-care in pregnancy:
- Establish and advocate for parental leave from work early to plan ahead for recovery and bonding after baby arrives
- Take time to be present as you prepare for the transition to parenthood. This might include date nights with a partner, traveling, or exploring new places. While these things are still very possible with a new baby, it is also normal that they will look different.
- Build your healthcare team and make sure you’re getting the information and support you need to take care of yourself. Don’t be afraid to ask questions – there are no silly questions when it comes to your and baby’s health.
- Start building your community. Connect with other parents through your cultural or faith communities, existing friendship circles, or even through the internet using apps like Peanut, designed to connect new moms.
- Try out new self-care practices to expand your self-care toolkit in anticipation of a new transition. This may include meditation, mindfulness, and grounding skills. Apps like Headspace and Calm are great for introducing these skills.
Self-care at birth:
- Advocate. Don’t be afraid to voice your preferences during birth, to ask questions, to speak up if you are in pain or afraid, and to communicate actively about your needs.
- Allow yourself space, time, and grace to recover. Your body will feel and look different and that is not only okay but amazing after what it has accomplished.
- Ask for help. From your family, friends, doctor, doula, therapist, or others.
Self-care postpartum:
- It is okay to take breaks. This might look like taking a long shower or a nap, going out with friends or engaging with a hobby. It may mean leaving your baby with your partner, co-parent or a babysitter. Having a balance between your identities as a parent and as your own person matters.
- Get out of the house. Go for a walk, a drive, or even just step outside your front door. Changing your environment and engaging in activities are both important to mental health.
- Be aware of the signs of postpartum depression and anxiety and make sure your partner or co-parent is too if applicable. Mood fluctuations after birth, often called the baby blues, are incredibly normal. However, if this does not abate after two weeks or is causing you distress or making it difficult at any time, seek support. You aren’t alone. There are many therapists, including Daylily Counseling, ready and waiting to help and to walk alongside you on your parenthood journey.
It can be easy to forget about your own self-care as you celebrate, adjust, and learn to take care of your new baby. Don’t forget to put on your oxygen mask as you put the mask (and diaper, onesie, and swaddle) on your baby. You’re doing great, mama.
Written By:
Jenna Salek, LCSW
Owner & Therapist, Daylily Counseling PLLC
