What Postpartum Anxiety Looks Like & How To Get Help

Postpartum depression is becoming more widely known, which is important because it’s common. For a long time, it wasn’t something people were talking about. But the problem is that “postpartum depression” is a blanket term used for many very different conditions. Postpartum anxiety, postpartum panic disorder, postpartum PTSD and postpartum OCD or similar symptoms.

Serena Williams refers to them as “postpartum emotions“.

Many women struggling with their emotions during the postpartum year may not identify with being depressed. They don’t identify with the stigma of depression- not being able to get out of bed or function. Sometimes nobody around them even realizes what they are struggling with mentally.

A recent study showed that MUCH more women struggle with postpartum anxiety (17%) than postpartum depression (4.8%).

Chicago postpartum anxiety and depression

Me with my children about six months postpartum. We look so happy here, but really, I was really struggling this week and we went to the Garfield Park Conservatory just so I wouldn’t feel suffocated.

I think those numbers may be conservative considering the stigma of mental illness in our culture. When I became comfortable with being open about my personal battles with postpartum anxiety, I had several people say to me that they had no idea I was struggling because my social media posts always painted s happy picture. Social media is not real life. It’s easy to only share the positive aspects of life. Most people don’t post pictures of themselves when they’re having an emotional meltdown.

Painting a picture of what postpartum anxiety looks like

Postpartum anxiety can can start small inside of you and slowly grow as little things snowball until it feels like you’re drowning in your own head, frantically looking around for someone to throw you a life buoy.

Postpartum anxiety can also come completely out of nowhere, like a trigger. It feels like you’ve lost all control of self in the matter of minutes and can’t even begin to process why.

Postpartum anxiety can completely break your confidence. It makes you feel like nobody likes you or that you are a “bad mom.” It leaves everything tainted with guilt and shame. It harbors resentment.

Postpartum anxiety can cause scary scary, intrusive thought to appear in your mind.

These can be similar to obsessive compulsive disorder, but this study shows us that many postpartum parents experience obsessions, compulsions or intrusive thoughts without necessarily screen positive for OCD. Another study suggests that nearly half of new mothers have thoughts of harming their baby. These disturbing thoughts can pop into your head, leaving you bothered by something that you know isn’t even real.

Postpartum anxiety can force you to constantly worry about your child’s mortality. Many parents wake up throughout the night to check their baby is still breathing.

Postpartum anxiety can make you fear or even avoid seemingly common things, like using a crosswalk, going up or down stairs, or being in a crowded area, for fear of something terrible happening to you or your child.

Postpartum anxiety can make you feel like you’re not connecting with your child. You may wonder if your baby loves you or feel like you aren’t a good mother.

Postpartum anxiety can make you throw a temper tantrum. A full blown toddler-like, screaming, stomping your feet, fingers in your ears, explosive temper tantrum. Something small can quickly become the last straw that sends you falling over the edge.

If you see a lot of yourself in this and want to get help, I have some suggestions you can consider. If you are feeling any of these thinks, know that you are not alone. There are ways to cope, get through it and come out on the other side as your “normal” self again.

Talk

Most people feel a sense of relief when they talk about how they feel with an empathetic person. Especially if they’ve been keeping these emotions stuffed away. Let it out. Talking about things can help us process. Talk to your spouse, your health care provider, family members, friends, a therapist, etc. Many people benefit greatly from text therapy, like Talk Space, because they find it easier to type their thoughts out than say them.

Ask for help

There are people in your life that love you. Reach out to them and not only talk about what you’ve been struggling with, but actually verbalize a request for help. This is your call to arms and most people will recognize it, swoop in and take you under their wing. Other won’t get it and may need a firm nudge to help them see that you are asking for their help to get better.

You may also need to ask for help in other aspects of your life. If a messy house is triggering for you and makes you panic when you look around your home, maybe your spouse can help out with housework more. A family member may be able to assist with meals. An overnight postpartum doula can help you get more rest. I know this step of asking for help is extremely challenging, but it’s important. The people who love you cannot read your mind. They want to help but probably don’t know how. Reach out.

Take care of your body

This is obvious but so very difficult as a parent, especially when struggling with anxiety. To keep our bodies healthy we need to drink enough water and eat healthy-ish meals. Reduce sugar and caffeine intake, as they both hinder our bodies ability to cope with stress.

Meditation

Meditation is free, accessible and doesn’t need to be time consuming.There are many ways to meditate that can help ease anxiety. Some people start with guided meditations while other follow a more ritualistic approach, busting out the frankincense and malas. Whatever the beat of your drum, practicing control over one’s mind can be a valuable tool for recovery and personal growth.

Magnesium

Magnesium naturally relaxes our muscles and our nervous system, easing tension,releasing feeling of fear/panic and assisting with falling asleep. Most Americans do not get enough magnesium in their diet. If you want to learn more about specifics of how magnesium works in the brain, this article explains it well. For best results, take a supplement that includes calcium as well.

L-theanine

This amino acid found in green tea is widely used to treat anxiety. Studies show reduce symptoms in as little as half an hour by boosting calming chemicals in the brain. It can both improve sleep therefor increasing cognitive skills.

CBD

CBD oil is made from a cannabis plant but doesn’t contain any THC, the more well known psychoactive ingredient. It doesn’t get you high. But it may help with anxiety, panic disorders and PTSD. Link here to multiple studies on CBD and anxiety.

Exercise

This is another widely known remedy that is just so hard to execute when you’re in a low moment but we know that exercise can definitely help. For many parents of tiny children that want to be held constantly, going to the gym for an hour is there sacred alone time, it’s their only time to themselves. Make a plan to get active.

Go to your health care provider to receive guidance on whether or not medication is a good option for you. There are medications that are safe to use while breastfeeding.

Art therapy

When creating art, we are allowed to express and process our thoughts in a positive way. Art gets our nervous system out of fight or flight mode. It can start simple, sitting down with some pencils to draw or creating a collage from magazine clippings. You may feel the need to really set aside time to let creative juices flow.

Look for an adult painting event in your area. Even watching Bob Ross can be soothing. Baking was an emotional outlet for me. I made all kinds of goodies when I was really struggling with anxiety, because it was something that made me feel good. Coloring books are another great way to help some people relax.